


Schnauzers, Elves, and Mages - Oh My

by HeroMaggie



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: DA2 guys thrown into Modern Day, Da Hell you doing on my front porch?, Gen, Humor, Is it raining DA2 men?, Miniature Schnauzer kisses, Violence against pig-shaped dog toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-23
Updated: 2015-09-23
Packaged: 2018-04-23 01:45:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4858454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeroMaggie/pseuds/HeroMaggie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Hamilton's day is interrupted by a knock the door.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Schnauzers, Elves, and Mages - Oh My

**Author's Note:**

  * For [draco_illius_noctis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/draco_illius_noctis/gifts).



> Based on a silly discussion on Tumblr. I wrote this in about twenty minutes. Twenty laughing minutes.

It was, Rose thought, a typical day in the Hamilton household. The dog was viciously attacking his pig toy, the oinks sounding nearly pained as Chip bashed the toy against the walls and floor of the hallway. For a miniature schnauzer, Chip was a voracious chewer and destroyer of toys. Rose figured that particular pig had another week and then she’d find a pile of fluffy innards strewn about the living room.

Probably with cat puke mixed in because one of the cats would take offense and try to one-up the dog on sheer mess magnitude.

She was curled on the sofa, fighting off one cat while another lurked just over her shoulder in the great hopes that Peter, the cat who seemed to know EXACTLY when to show up for snuggle, would get tired of the hand waving and leave - allowing Draco to leap onto her lap like some fat wingless dragon.

Distressed oinks, cranky meows...and then a knock on the front door.

A rather heavy knock - metal sounding against the fiberglass. Rose had a brief thought that if the person knocking scratched the paint they’d be on the wrong end of her temper. Standing and shedding cats like...well...cat hair...she staggered to the front door, tripped over the barking dog, and landed bodily against the wall.

Nabbing the howling, hopping, angry ball of black fur, she fought open the lock and pulled open the door...to find two very familiar faces standing on her front step.

“Er…” Rose tilted her head in bemusement.

“BARK! BARK BARK BARK!” added Chip helpfully.

The two men were dressed...well...in very familiar if out-of-place clothing. Feathered coat, bandaged wrapped boots...tall...staff...blond hair. Rose blinked and shook her head, her gaze drifting down to meet green eyes set in a darkly tanned face accented by white brands. The hilt of a two-handed sword peeked over his shoulder.

Even the dog stopped barking.

“Right…” Rose closed the door on them.

The knocking picked back up, accented this time by curses in something that sounded eerily like Tevene. In a voice that sounded eerily like Fenris. The disgruntled, broody, angsty elf from her favorite video game. Arguing started up...the voice sounded suspiciously like Anders.

“I’ve gone and finally cracked,” Rose said to Chip.

Chip’s response was to helpfully lick her chin.

“I should let them in then?” She gazed at the dog.

Chip wagged his tail.

“Of course. You just want to play. Whatever. But if they murder me, it’ll be your fault.” She opened the door back up.

“Er…” Really, the second glimpse was no better than the first. There they were...Fenris and Anders. On her front step. She brushed by them and looked up into the blue sky - wondering if there would be green glowing rifts and if Iron Bull was about to fall from the heavens.

He’d probably land horns-down in the street and she’d have to get a crane to get him out.

Stifling a crazed giggle, Rose turned around. “Kay. Fenris...Anders...either I’m cracked or your cracked or that’s the best damn cosplay I’ve ever seen?”

“I am Fenris. This is Anders...who are you? Where are we?” Fenris took a step towards her which resulted in Chip wiggling out of her arms to bounce up to Fenris. “Your...what is that?”

“Chip...a miniature Schnauzer. He’s a big lover.” Rose’s nose twitched as Chip proved his loving tendencies by enthusiastically licking Fenris’ feet.

“I’m Rose.” Rose felt she should introduce herself. The manic sounds of elven laughter and Tevene cursing was making her mouth sorta gape open. “He can laugh.”

“I made that same face the first time I heard it.” Anders said. “I’m Anders, lovely to meet you. We were in the sewers...with Hawke...and now we’re here. Where is here?”

“Oklahoma?” Rose supplied helpfully.

“Is that in Orlais?”

“United States.”

They both stared at each other.

“Want some tea?” Rose tried a smile.

“Would love some. You have wine for the elf?” Anders turned, got three steps into the house, and saw Draco. There was a sound like Christmas morning wrapped in the 4th of July. Rose’s nose twitched again.

“Right. Come on Chip. Stop lavishing all that slobber on Fenris’ feet. Fenris, I have a couple bottles of red...I think...want a glass of wine?” Rose pushed the dog and cackling elf into her house.

“Yes. Thank you.” Fenris stood upright, gave Rose a dignified look, and then sat on the floor to play with the dog.

“Right.” Rose ambled into the kitchen - figuring boiling water and cork screws were SAFE. They made SENSE. Maybe she should bake some muffins just to remind herself that the world hadn’t gone sideways.

***

She was mid-stirring when there was another knock.

A serious glance down at the muffin batter had her pondering if she really wanted to open the door. The knock sounded again and she sighed. There was the sound of boots and then the door opening, silence, and then a piercing scream.

A quick few steps into the hallway showed her Gina, her friend from next door, sorta panting and pointing at Anders. A stuttered “aaaaAAAAnders” came from her and she started swaying.

“Hi Gina.” Rose watched with interest as Anders reached out to steady her friend. “What’s up?”

“I came over to tell you that I saw that hot security guy again today. Shirtless. He was shirtless. Rose...shirtless. Muscles. Just...muscles.” Gina’s hands were waving in front of her, stopping when she saw Fenris. “What is THIS?!”

“Hell if I know. They showed up on my doorstep.” Rose toed the carpet. “So you see them too? I’m making muffins.”

“Why?” Gina was prodding Anders’ shoulder. “He’s real.”

“I know.”

“Muffins?”

“Muffins make sense. Anders and Fenris don’t make sense.” Rose turned and walked back to the kitchen.

There was some muffled noises and then Anders chuckling. The chuckle had Roses’ fingers tightening around the spoon.

Another knock sounded. This time, Rose just put her head on the counter.

The door opened, another moment of silence, and then a high pitched noise of sheer, unadulterated joy. A sorta WHOOPING sound mixed with a HELL YEAH and HNNG all wrapped together. Rose put her spoon back down and went to investigate.

Garrett Hawke stood in the doorway. Gina was pointing and gibbering...full on gibbering. Rose shared a look with Anders. The gibbering stopped abruptly and Gina pitched forward and was caught by Hawke, who gazed down at the woman in his arms.

“Where am I?” Hawke asked. “And who’s this?”

The sound of manic pig oinks and another laugh from Fenris answered him.

***

“So...sewers.” Rose said, passing a plate of fresh blueberry muffins around the table.

“Blood mages.” Hawke said mournfully. “And I had gotten this amulet from…”

“Black Emporium?” Gina asked as she grabbed a muffin.

“How did you know?” Hawke blinked at Gina.

Gina shared a look with Rose who shrugged. “Don’t look at me. Hey...so, I have a guest room. It has one bed. One queen sized bed. The three of you can share it if you cuddle up really close…”

“Hawke can stay with me!” Gina was practically bouncing.

“Er…” Rose stuttered out.

Hawke’s response was to waggle his eyebrows suggestively. “You have a guest room?”

“I have a lovely queen sized bed...in my room…” Gina leaned forward and shot a lovesick look at Hawke.

“I’m going with her.” Hawke stood. “Wanna show it to me now?”

“Now?” Anders looked aghast.

“We might get sent back! To the sewers! Come on…” Hawke wheedled, grinning when Gina hopped up.

“I’m not waiting to see if you disappear,” Gina said, grabbing his hand and pulling him from the dining room. The sound of the front door opening and slamming shut set the dog off again. Rose took a bite of muffin.

“So…” Anders scooted over to sit next to Rose.

“Mm?” She glanced over at him.

“Do we have to sleep in the guest room?”

Rose glanced over at Fenris who was coughing into his wine.

“Come...again?” Rose blinked up into amber eyes.

Anders just grinned slid an arm around her shoulders. “Fenris can sleep in there with the dog. They seem to get along.”

“Mage…” Fenris nabbed another muffin. “You know and I know that if you are next to her then I will be next to you and the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.”

Anders hummed, Fenris bit into his muffin, and Rose pinched her leg.

Yep - it hurt...this was real.


End file.
